At present, one is hard pressed to find alienated teenagers in tank-tops and short-shorts dangerously throwing each other onto break-away tables.  But back in 1998, at the height of pro-wrestling’s popularity, the fad of backyard wrestling was in full bloom. Across this great nation, out-of-shape and otherwise undesirable young men eagerly imitated their favorite WCW superstars. And as one might expect, many of these half-wit teens were hospitalized after experiencing pile-drivers, full-nelsons, and what-have-yous.  Yet despite the injuries, deaths, and lawsuits it caused, backyard wrestling did produce one positive side note.  In fact, it can be argued that this singular success outweighs any harm backyard wrestling (or wrestling in general) might have caused over the years. I say this because without backyard wrestling, there would be no Ethnic Warrior Productions.

            In the late 90’s, a small and rather unclean group of Dungeons and Dragons types decided to form a small and rather seedy wrestling federation in Long Beach, Ca.  At First, the federation seemed like any other hormone-driven vehicle for taking out aggression. There were bad costumes, horrible props, and deplorable wrestlers.  And the only thing that distinguished this backyard wrestling league from others of its kind was that it was staged in a front yard.

            But all this changed when Torah Menorah and Judo Brown decided to join the federation.  Torah Menorah, the self-proclaimed “Kosher Champ”, and Judo Brown, “The Filipino Superman”, clearly out-classed and out-skilled the other wrestlers in the league. (And by the way, their costumes were as lavish as Liberace’s, and they spoke with an eloquence typically reserved for classical music radio announcers!).  And on numerous occasions, the Honky Tonk Man, former WWF superstar and painfully uncharismatic Elvis clone, sat on the sidewalk and took notes as Menorah and Brown exchanged patented blows.  Among other things, the Honky Tonk Man noted that “Menorah’s ‘Dreydl Drop’ is truly a devastating move, but I am partial to the shear poetry of his ‘Semitic Slam’”. 

            Yet the two brutes soon became tired of the long bouts they had together.  And after their fourth consecutive 16 hour match, Menorah and Brown decided to join forces as the Ethnic Warriors.  However, as the most highly trained and charismatic tag-team in backyard wrestling history, the Ethnic Warriors had difficulty finding other wrestlers willing to fight against them.  As such, they posted countless fliers inviting other obviously ethnic wrestlers to meet them “in the front yard.  Please wear speedos and/or tights”.

            A variety of wrestlers answered the challenge.  Shofar So Good, for example, wrestled Menorah and quickly became the Kosher Champ’s sidekick.  And after putting up a good fight against Judo Brown, Tommy Takamoto, ‘The Japanese American’, was allowed to join the Ethnic Warrior Wrestling Dynasty.  But perhaps the strangest wrestler to challenge the Ethnic Warriors was Pthark, an extra-terrestrial from the planet Quazitreen.

            For those of you unfamiliar with the Quazitreenians, they are rather grotesque creatures that resemble undercooked latkahs.  And for nearly a decade, the Rabbinical School Dropouts have been in contact with the Judeo-loving Quazitreenian High-Empress.  We have had numerous brunches together, and  have shared with her many Yiddish tales from the Old World.

            Throughout our relationship, her Highness has found new ways of expressing her keen interest in Judaism.  Indeed, this is why she had the RSDO perform a private concert for her on a lavish space craft (refer to ‘Counterfeit Gelt’ liner notes), and why she watched (via satellite) Torah Menorah face Judo Brown in those inadvertently historic battles.

            But shortly after she sent a delegate from her lovely planet to join the Ethnic Warrior Wrestling Dynasty, their backyard wrestling federation collapsed.  And although many wrestling historians and internet cyber-fans have waxed philosophical over the reasons for the league’s disbanding, it is now clear that the organization split apart after a large and especially unclean member of the federation hit a tree with his fist, and broke some fingers.  Evidently, his mother became angry with him, and forced the teenagers to put an end to their shabbily orchestrated homo-erotic toss-abouts.

            Luckily, the High Empress had the right mind to record the epic backyard bouts the Ethnic Warriors undertook.  And a few years ago, she sent a VHS tape containing the footage to the RSDO (through a techno-space transport of some kind).  And we were so impressed by the power and presence of the Ethnic Warriors that we decided to name our production company after them.  However, though we have made great efforts, we have not been able to locate Menorah and Brown.  And that’s too bad for them, because our lawyer says we owe them a lot of royalty money!